Surrendered on the Frontier Read online

  There was no baby, as I’d suspected, but instead sickness. I closed my eyes against the sadness that rushed over me. Then it dawned on me that if Ma knew there was no baby, she’d clearly been privy to the fact that there might’ve been.

  I closed my eyes and placed my head back on the pillow, as Samuel’s large hand came to rest on my temple. He smoothed back the hair. “Talk to me, little Ruth,” he said. I shook my head. I didn’t even know where to begin. It all seemed hopeless, and so sad. My head swam. I felt suddenly warm again.

  “I’m not leavin’ you tonight,” Samuel said. To some it would be a scandal, but I could not be terribly bothered with that knowledge. I was weak shortly after I finished the soup. I no longer felt the nausea, or had a headache. Though I appreciated his gesture, I had to maintain some semblance of decorum.

  “Samuel, I can’t be bothered by what others think of me. I really and truly cannot,” I insisted. “However, I’ll not have you taint your good name by staying at the home of a widow. It’s not right. You know it isn’t. And I hate the idea of any of them talking about you. What if Hannah knows you’re here again? I know Ma isn’t going to say anything. But people in town, they’ll talk.”

  “Let ‘em talk,” he growled. “And I’ll be sure Hannah doesn’t know I’m stayin’ here. Don’t forget, she’ll be goin’ to Ma’s when she and Matthew return. She’s been there for a few days now.”

  “You’ll have chores to tend to at home!” I said.

  “Geraldine, Phillip, and Matthew are handling the chores,” Samuel said. “Everything’s just fine at home. And I couldn’t care less about what everyone in town says.”

  I wanted to kiss him and shake him all at once. I hmphed at him.

  He narrowed his eyes. “Remember that tally, little lady. I’m not gonna lick you now when you’re just gettin’ over bein’ sick and dealin’ with the knowledge that… well, what you’ve just found out. But I will tan your pretty little backside when you’re well again, you mark me.”

  I frowned, though I felt partly pleased with his attention. Still. Confound the man.

  “There’s nothing I can do to keep you from doing what you damn well please, now, is there?” I asked.

  He reached over and tugged the loose braid that hung down by my ears. “Now you’re up to a good twenty, sweetheart,” he said.

  I glared. “Why? I’ve just woken up a few minutes ago.”

  “It’s pretty impressive how quickly you racked those licks up, truth be told,” he said, with another tug.

  I sighed heavily. I didn’t find this amusing. I didn’t find anything amusing. I closed my eyes. I heard him stand and place whatever he was holding down, then felt the bed shift beside me. I wanted him to hold me, and I wanted to push him away.

  “C’mere, honey,” he said softly. I opened my eyes. He was propped up next to me, and he opened his arms for me to come in. With a sigh, I nestled in, my head against his chest.

  I knew now we were not getting married. The only reason for our betrothal was now gone. The loss of everything seemed so keen, I could hardly stand it. But I didn’t want to say anything to him about it either, as I felt he’d be sure to protest. I didn’t want to listen to the protests. I closed my eyes, still weak from the illness that’d ravaged me. I felt his hand smoothing my hair, starting at the top of my head and smoothing down until he got to my shoulders, then traveling back up again. I sighed, doing my very best to relax. For the second time, I fell fast asleep upon his chest.

  * * *

  I woke in the middle of the night, more than once. Thunder clapped outside my window, lightning streaking across the night sky, I was still wearing naught but my chemise, and Samuel had changed. I could see the dishes had been cleared away, and the room was darkened but tidied. My clothes were neatly folded upon my chest, and Samuel’s clothes lay next to mine. I wanted this to be our normal; his clothes next to mine, him next to me in bed. I didn’t want him to go. He snored softly beside me, curled up on his side with his back to me. I rolled over on my side, my hand on my abdomen, as I felt another spasm of pain. I shifted, putting my arms around him, and closed my eyes. I would wake up, and when I did, everything would be okay.

  * * *

  The next day, Samuel was up before I was, and when I woke, he had a cup of milk and a plate of bread.

  “Mornin’, beautiful,” he said. “How are you now?”

  “I’m fine,” I said shortly. I didn’t want to get used to waking up next to him. It was easier not to. So I didn’t want to talk. And I wanted to see my daughter. “May I get up after I’ve eaten?”

  He nodded, eyes narrowed slightly, as he likely noticed the shift in my demeanor. I couldn’t allow myself to be too vulnerable near him, not now. There was far too much at stake. I couldn’t allow him to love me. Not when I had nothing to offer him. He needed a woman who was willing to submit to his highhanded ways, a young woman untarnished by her past, a woman who would offer him her innocence and purity. Not me. I had nothing to offer him.

  “You eat your breakfast, and we’ll see how you feel after that, young lady,” he said sternly. I looked at him shyly. I did so like when he called me that. Still, I wouldn’t cower.

  “All right, then,” I said. “Sounds acceptable. Sir.”

  His eyes narrowed at me. “Tally,” he warned.

  I stuck my tongue out at him.

  We both started when a knock came at the door.

  He pointed a finger at the bed. “You stay put.”

  With a sigh, I obeyed. He handed me my breakfast, and I dutifully nibbled while he went to go answer the door.

  I heard the low murmur of voices rising and falling, and as they continued, I began to grow concerned. The voices sounded upset. I needed to know what was going on, but if I got out of bed, I knew I’d eventually answer for my disobedience. Frowning, I waited, my impatience growing with each minute that passed. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long. Moments after Samuel had left the room, he returned with Ma. Samuel looked grave, Ma nearly stricken. She was wringing her hands. The food grew heavy in my stomach.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Ma looked to Samuel, who faced me. He cleared his throat. “Ma came here looking for Matthew and Hannah, Ruth. She assumed when they didn’t return last night that Hannah had come home to see you, and since I wasn’t home, that I’d had Matthew stay here as well. But they’re neither here nor at Ma’s, and no one’s seen them since they set out berry pickin’ yesterday afternoon.”

  A chill crept over me. “What do you mean?” I asked, unable to fully comprehend what he was saying.

  “No one knows where they are,” he said. “But we’ll find them.”

  I closed my eyes briefly. My little girl was lost. I could hardly bear it. Opening my eyes again, I turned to them. “Does anyone have any idea where they are? Anyone at all?”

  Ma shook her head. “All’s I know is that they were berry pickin’.” She wrung her hands. “Oh, this is my fault. This is all my fault. I’m the one that sent them berry pickin’ and I didn’t tell anyone they didn’t come back. I assumed they were here!”

  I sighed as Samuel spoke up. “Ma, it ain’t your fault. I stayed here last night to tend to Ruth, and that threw you off. If only I’d told you, we’d have known sooner they were missin’. You could put the blame on me as easily as anyone but sittin’ around puttin’ blame on anyone won’t help. Now that we know they’re missin’, we’ve got to find them. Get Aaron and Phillip, and if we don’t find ‘em soon, we form a search party in town.”

  The hair on my arms stood on end. A search party. My stomach twisted in knots, but this time not from the nausea but fear.

  “You have to let me look, Samuel,” I said. Knowing that he’d put up a fuss, I put some gumption into my statement. He worked his jaw, and I knew he was debating what to do, make me stay or let me go against his better judgment.

  “You’re no help to us searchin’ if you faint or go sick,” Samuel said sternly.
I knew he was right, but still, I had to find my girl. I simply had to.

  “Then bring a wagon, and I’ll sit on the wagon if need be,” I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, suddenly realizing I was still wearing my chemise. I pulled the quilt up rapidly, but not before Ma’d caught a good look. My cheeks warmed.

  She raised her brows and turned to her son but he merely shook his head. “You know I’m marryin’ her,” he said simply. I looked at him, my embarrassment at being caught dressed in only a chemise fading quickly. Would he still marry me, then? Hope rose in me.

  “Best make it sooner than later’s all I got to say on that,” Ma replied. She winked at me as she left the room.

  I rolled my eyes at Samuel. “Please leave so I can get changed,” I beseeched him.

  He merely crossed his arms. “Tally.”

  I grunted, but ignored him as I rapidly changed. My head felt woozy at that point, and I did my very best to hide it so Samuel couldn’t tell. I got to my feet unsteadily. Samuel came to my side and put my arm around his neck.

  “Come with me,” he said, and as we left my room, he whispered in my ear. “They likely just got lost somewhere nearby, and we’ll find them real soon, honey. You try not to get yourself all worked up. It’s gonna be all right, Ruth.”

  I nodded, remembering the dream I’d had with Hannah lost in the woods, and my frantic search for her. I couldn’t bear to think of it now but simply had to push it out of my mind. The fear, however, had already settled in my stomach.

  “We’ll ride out to see Pearl and Aaron, Geraldine and Phillip. We’ll have everyone in town searchin’ for them if need be. The sooner we arrange a rescue party the better.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. “We’ve got to find them, Samuel.”

  “We will, honey.” He paused, reaching for my chin and lifting my eyes to his. “You are brave, Ruth. My brave, strong girl. We will find them, and you’ll pull through this.”

  I nodded, but I wasn’t so sure.

  I’d lost so much already, lost so much in just the past few days, it was not unfathomable that even now I could lose what was more precious to me than my own life.

  * * *

  We searched for hours. Samuel insisted I eat every once in a while, and I obeyed automatically, desperate to be allowed to stay in the search party for my little girl.

  “Hannah!” I yelled, hearing the deeper echoes of Hannah and Matthew’s names throughout the forest as Phillip, Aaron, and Samuel were all looking for both children. Geraldine stayed back at the wagon with her baby, in case someone had news for her, or by some chance she caught sight of Matthew or Hannah. I, however, was granted permission to traipse with Samuel deep into the woods, under the condition that I tell him if I felt sick. We first went to the berry bushes where they were supposed to have gone. They were picked clean, a sign that either the birds had already stripped them bare, or Hannah and Matthew had picked their fill before getting lost. But the children were nowhere to be found. Had they at least been here first? We couldn’t tell. What had kept them from coming home to us?

  I thought of the theft in town, the new men coming for a job upon the stagecoach, the new fur traders. It was more than I could bear, the thought of a criminal hurting my little girl. Stealing a saddle or someone’s eggs was a far cry from harming a child, though. These were the things I told myself to ease my trepidation. Samuel said nothing about his fears, but merely searched without faltering. The longer time went on, as the sun ahead shone down, the more nervous I became.

  “Matthew!” came Aaron’s voice a good distance away.

  “Where could they be?” I wailed.

  “I don’t know,” Samuel muttered under his breath. “But when I catch that boy, I’m gonna wear him out good.”

  I knew it was only his fear talking, but I felt similar anger. How could they have gotten lost? The berry patch wasn’t far from Ma’s home at all, a mere stone’s throw. What direction had they traveled? With each minute that passed, my nervousness grew. If they were missing for days, they risked dehydration, starvation, or worse. What would I do if my little girl was gone forever?

  I squeezed my eyes, not willing to allow myself to even ponder the grim possibility. With my eyes closed, I suddenly remembered the night before, having woken in the dark, and the flash of lightning that lit up the night sky.

  “The rain! The rain, Samuel!” I said, tugging on his sleeve excitedly.

  He frowned at me. “Whatever are you talkin’ about?” he said.

  “It rained last night! They must’ve gotten caught in the rain. Maybe they got lost, and couldn’t find their way home, then when the rain came they ran to get cover. We need to think of a place where they’d run to. Where would they run to for cover?”

  He scratched his beard. “Well, there’s the Tucker homestead beyond the hill,” he said, extending a finger. “But I doubt they’d go that far.” As he continued pushing past the branches of the trees, one snapped back and nearly struck him. He ducked just in time. But it reminded me of the day that I ran from Samuel when he was going to spank me. He’d gotten whacked across the face from the branches then, and what had I seen—something nearby that was a vague recollection. Somewhere they could’ve gone to, hidden from our vision by our house, but not far from our home, so close by that he actually had carried me over his shoulder all the way home once I’d let him. The cave.

  “The cave!” I shouted. “They may have gone to the cave!”

  “Cave?” Samuel asked, puzzled.

  “It’s not far from my cabin,” I said. “Remember that day that you chased me and threw me over your shoulder, and took me back to the cabin?”

  He scratched his chin.

  “You forgot about throwing me over your shoulder?” I asked incredulously. Of all the things to forget! I could jog his memory. “You, um… spanked me after.”

  His eyes lit up with recognition, and I rolled my eyes.

  “That’s right,” he said. “Well, it’s worth goin’ to see if they’re there,” he said.

  I couldn’t remember exactly where it was, and I suddenly felt overcome with weakness. My knees wobbled, but I had to go. I had to get there. I ignored my weakened condition and plodded on, but Samuel was no fool.

  “Ruth,” he said warningly.

  “It’s nothing,” I said. “Please, Samuel. Let me go. Please.”

  “No,” he said staunchly. “You’re going back to the wagon with Geraldine.”

  I yanked my arm from him, my frantic need to get to my little girl making me crazed. “Let me go!” I screamed as he took my arm firmly.

  He shook his head. “Young lady, you are not goin’ to pull this, or so help me, Ruth, I’ll take you across my knee now.”

  A sob caught in my throat and I yanked away from him. Before I knew what was happening, he pulled me into him. His arms were around me. I struggled, but he held fast, so tightly I couldn’t move. I tried to, but he held on until the fight went out of me.

  “Listen, Ruth,” he said, his voice hardening. “Woman, you listen to me.”

  I nodded.

  “You’re no help to your little girl if you faint along the way, now are you?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak.

  “I’m takin’ you to the wagon. I’ll drive. When you’re strong enough to walk, I’ll take you with me. We’ll find them, Ruth. We will. They’re out here, and we’ll find them. We’ll look at the cave. We’ll form a bigger search party. Ma’s already in town with the sheriff. That boy, we raised him right and he knows how to survive out here. He’ll make sure your little girl’s all right. And your little girl, she’s got her mama’s backbone, and she’s a survivor. Trust me, honey. You need to come with me now.”

  I had to believe him. I had to trust him. And I knew then, in that moment, when he held me in his arms, what I needed. For the first time, it all seemed to fall into place.

  I needed someone strong, someone just that much stronger than I was, as Aaron had said, to t
ame the wild torrent within me. I needed stern. I needed uncompromising and rock solid. I needed someone who could handle my sass.

  But it was hard to admit. It was hard to accept, until I had little choice. Run, or give in.

  I would run no longer.

  “All right,” I said. “I’ll trust you. Help me find my girl.”

  * * *

  “Where is it, Samuel? Do you know?” I asked.

  “Just up ahead,” he said. “I remember exactly where it is. I know you were in no position to see where we were goin’ at the time. But I know where it is.”

  I sniffed. Of course he did. Aaron, Phillip, and Geraldine had gone into town to join up with the search party. We were all to meet back at my home in an hour to see if anyone had any details. It only took a few minutes before we made it to where I remembered running from Samuel. I recognized the broken pine, with the limbs askew, only now the branches were drier and the needles a rusty orange. That was it. We were near.

  “This! Here! Stop the wagon!” I shouted. Samuel drew up the reins.

  I was just about to jump out, when I stopped. “May I get out? Please?” I asked him. It felt different asking permission like this. But I’d decided to trust him. He would lead.

  “You may,” he said solemnly. “But as we’re walkin’, if you feel faint, you’ll come back to the wagon. Won’t you? You remember the tally?”

  I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  His eyes warmed at that. He jumped down from the wagon ahead of me, reaching his hands to me. He grasped me about the waist and swung me down. I tried to walk quickly. If Hannah and Matthew had gotten lost by the cave, we would find them, and if not, maybe somebody back at the house had good news for us. I would stay calm. Samuel wanted me to stay calm.

  As I walked in the direction where I knew the cave was, something bright yellow caught my eye.

  Hannah’s hair ribbon.

  The hair on my arms stood on end as I raced ahead, plucking it from a cluster of ferns near the foot of a large oak.